Unhappy Fourth Of July
by Eogrus
Summary: Albus and his family convert to America and move to the US. Will they like?


After Brexit has been criticised by many people Albus Potter, James Sirius Potter, Lilly Puta, Rose Weasley, Huga Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy hated Hogwarts and Britain. They converted to America and decided to move to the US, they murdered their parents and stole their passports and IDs. A security guard checked for them but as he found the truth he too was Avada Kedavra-ed and his body was eaten by wild beasts.

So they successfully snuck on board first class, in luxurious seats made from poor people skin and bought by trafficking lower class children into sex slaves. It was a very rich and decadent section of the plane, full of jacuzzis/hot tubs, barbacues serving panda, tiger, whale and rhino meat and lots of undressed women that were forcibly given breast implants and had perpetually fucking vibrators into their sordid uteruses for the filthy pleasure of the misogynistic rich.

"Ah, this is the life" said James as he raped a baby prostitute.

"And imagine how much better it will be in America, where we will fully exploit the proletariat" moaned Rose whorefully as she did her nails with a pink glitter made from little girl mashed up vulvas and powdered elephant tusks.

They turned on their computer to watch their idol, Donalt Trump, preach at his mass. Yes, our heroes became Trump cultists, and worship his every word and pay billions of dollars to silence his opponents. They will throw America into a conservative theocracy and eventually murder every no-conservative by playing on fears of war on terror and ignoring past attrocities and extant christian right-wing terrorism.

They love Trump so much that they cast a spell, sacrificing ten thousand palestine babies to Yahweh into a hot tub to create a portal that brings their idol and god to them.

"Where am I?" asks Drumpf confusedly and arousedly at seeing Lily's underage but medically enchanced breasts.

"Oh my love, we have brought you to us so we can be together!" cried Lily in ecstasy, and the former-british children began licking Trump's boots with much pleasure and dedication.

Trump liked, but he couldn't enjoy it for long. There was an explosion on the plane, and a lot of smoke came in.

"Who the FUCK allowed the air to be soiled in the presence of our glorious leader!?" barked Albus, his eyes popping veins and crying tears of blood, and he killed and raped several hookers in misplaced rage.

"HAW HAW HAW you FOOLS think it was them but it wasn't it was me you FOOLS!" said...HILLARY CLINTON!

"How the bloody hell did you get here!?" shouted Rose so so much anger and unreason that she broke almost all glasses and utterly ruptured her vocal cords. Her eyes were on fire and began to boil.

"It was quite easy" said Hillary Duff, "While you FOOLS were distracted I catapulted myself with a giant cannon I bought from the money offered to me by the Illuminati. Now I shall kill thee all and exploit the proles myself!"

She cackled evilly like a serpentine snake, and then showed her gaping womb!

"Nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli causa!" she cried in foul eldritch words, and suddenly a gigantic statue of the Helen of Troy came out of her pussy!

The statue went on a rampage and grabbed Hugo so hard that his eyes bulged out. She then grabbed his two legs and ripped him in half like a paper page of evil, putting all the blood in a bottle shipped to Washington, where it would be used to poison rich people by making them drink from one of their own. The others got mildly upset, he was a useful tool but ultimately not that important, but they still wanted to save their idol Trump.

"Akroma's Vengeance!" cried James filthy drops of saliva, and a light broke the statue.

"Hundred-Handed One!" shouted Hilarity, and a giant with a hundred hands appeared.

"Mutilate!" cried Rose, but it only did -1/-1 because there was only one swamp in play.

"Ethereal Armor" laughed Hilary, and it got +1/+1!

"Furtive Homunculus!" said Lily.

An homunculus appeared, and the giant couldn't block it because it had 3/5 and the homunculus had skulk and only 2/1! It then slapped Hilary in the face!

"Grr, Dazzling Reflection!" grunted Hilary, and with a light the damage was undone.

"Mardu Warshrieker" moaned Albus, and an orc appeared and added white, black and red to their mana pool. The homunculus attacked Hilary again.

"Phyrexian Unlife" said Hillary, and her skin fell off and was replaced by white porcelain plates.

"Chimney Imp!" cried Donald Trump, but it was useless!

"Peregrine Griffin" laughed Hilary, and a gryphon appeared and killed the homunculus!"

"Archangel Avacyn!" said Albus smugly, and a gigantic whorish emu angel appeared.

A sweat drop appeared on Cliton's head. If she killed Chimney Imp Avacun would turn mad and kill everyone.

"Kozilek, the Great Distortion!" she shouted, and Kozilek appeared.

Trump was bored to tears by the battle, and willed himself to DEAD.

"No!" cried Lily sadly, her beloved idol had finally perished.

James picked a knife and lunged himself! But Kozilek casted Turn Against and Avacyn got under Hilary's control, and she grabbed James by the anus and shoved her spear in his urethra! Rosie casted Avada Kedabra, but she hit his ballsack instead of Avacyn! With James dead Avacyn became Avacyn, the Purifier and went crazy and ripped off Rosie's breasts and shoved them in her nostrils, suffocating her.

She then grabbed lILY's cranium and smashed it against the seats, against the walls, against the hot tub. Red and pink (from the decaying brain pieces and mammary teratomas) quickly covered that expensive section of the plane. In an symbolic twist of fate, the doomed private jet became coloured with the colours of fiery rebellion, of marxist glory. It was the harbinger of change, the bringer of the end for capitalism and all of its exploitation.

Albus, a conservative sociopath with no respect for human life, could not help but masturbate viciously to the destruction of his own sister. Yet, it was an uncomfortable masturbation: he was well aware of his inevitable demise.

Because of Hillary's attack, the plane was blazing, and it quickly lost altitude. And, eventually, it crashed, exactly where 9/11 happened. Only, because it was a rich jet plane, it created a much larger explosion, destroying all of New York and Manhattan. With its explosion Albus, Hillary, Avacyn and Kozilek were finally dead, their remains spread all over North America, alongside billions upon billions of lives.

Amidst the wreckage, Brian Sims picked the crowned. He became the king of America.

The end. 


End file.
